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Monday, June 24, 2013
This is just another boring post, by a very boring and currently bored person. It has nothing to do with being good or evil or anything else.

It just struck me suddenly, how fast I can actually end the relationship of 5 long years with him, how angry he was at me without a single trace of love, and how everything eventually turned out to be. Not to mention that I have a 5-years-old son with him. Just how heartless am I to just leave?

I keep asking myself, how can I actually leave someone I loved so much and had been together for so long? Could it be that I never loved him, right from the start?

We first met in school at CCA. He wasn’t much of an eye-catcher. If you ask me now, I honestly cannot tell you anything outstandingly good about him (which makes me really wonder how we ended up together). I guess I took notice of him, since he had a liking for my best friend. Well, while trying to get them together, we grew closer. (Rather typical plot, isn’t it?)

At that time, I really liked a senior in CCA too. So when he confessed that he started to like me more, instead of my best friend, I was lost between loving and being loved. What came after that was so fast that I can’t even figure. We got together after breakfast delivery to my doorstep, supper and late hang outs. Before I even realise it, I got pregnant.

After which was all about the baby and nothing about me. No more breakfast delivery or whatsoever. It was even difficult to get him out of bed to have breakfast together. Computer games all day long. At first I tried to be a part of it, but eventually I left, and he didn’t even bother to be a part of my life.
 
Things got worse when the baby was born. His mom got obsessed and all attentions went to him. (Not like I want any of those attentions.) This was where the escaping and running started,
I supposed.
 
That earth-shaking day when he created a scene was one not to be forgotten. This is how he always deal with things, and the worst thing I hate about him (and his family). That look on his face as he told me he love me, was not at convincing. I sense anger, hatred, and everything negative. And this is not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I felt it so strongly inside me, and I know this relationship should have ended much earlier (or maybe it shouldn’t have started at all).
 

It wasn’t because of anyone or anything. I always had this thought of leaving since forever. If you really want to drag someone into the picture, He is just the one who gave me strength and courage to do what I always wanted to. He was the one that broke the cage and I walked out of it. (If anyone were to say that I left my ex-husband because of Him, I wont deny or even bother to explain.)

In a nut shell, the push factor of me leaving was that expression he had on his face, and the pull factor will be for Him. So don’t come telling me how I should try to save the relationship of 5 years, or how I should think about my child. Just let me be the heatless mother. All of them would probably live better off without me.

= For every beginning there shall be an end. =
 
 

escorted to deatH at ; - 11:05 AM.